Please, Mom, Don’t Read This

From what I can tell, it seems that GM has recalled every car it has ever made at this point. The first recall story that I remember on this issue said something like “GM recalls multiple Chevrolet models due to ignition failure that has killed a driver.” I immediately thought, “that person shut the car off with his knee.” I thought this not because I am omniscient, but because I did it in my Chevy HHR. Twice.

The first time it happened, I was going down I-76 west in Ohio. I’d been driving for maybe seven hours and was shifting around in my seat instead of pulling off to stretch my legs. Suddenly something changed. It was hard to tell what exactly because in newer cars, the radio stays on even when the key is turned off. I was drifting toward the center line and the wheel wouldn’t turn. Or, it would, but it didn’t easily because the power steering was off.

This is when I said to myself, “oh, I turned the key off.” I reached over, put it into neutral (as it would need to be to restart), cranked it over, put it up into drive and floored it before the car behind me caught up.

How did I figure that out? I was your run-of-the-mill foolish boy. When there was nobody on the highway around me, back when I was 16, I’d speed up to 80mph, turn my old truck off, put it into neutral and see how far I could coast before I came to a rest.

And here’s why I haven’t said anything about this yet. There’s a joke that I heard recently from a stand-up comic that went like, “When your friend says ‘Now I’m not racist, but…’ get ready to hear something racist.” Here is where I say, “Now I’m not advocating any of this, but…”. I truly, deeply mean it when I say that nobody should just turn their car off on purpose when driving down the highway to just see what happens. But because I did (along with others I know), I didn’t panic and just turned it back on. I was irritated that the radio stayed on, though.

But then it happened again. This time the radio was off, I was on a country highway, and I wasn’t alone. The person riding shotgun did not grow up a foolish boy and went from zero to ape-shit-panic when my knee knocked the key a second time (this was probably two years before the recalls started). Once everything was back to the way it should be - engine running while car moving and what-not - she told me that there was something wrong with the car. Then, as I had the time before, I felt that it was my dumb fault for getting my knee way up there where it had no business being.

Is there a lesson in here? Certainly not. And regardless, it is only one side of the story.