The Paranoia and Terrible Mind of a Chicken

This tale comes to me second hand, but as it damn near choked me to death on laughter, I thought I'd try to recreate it. I'm going to tell it from the vantage point of my neighbor, who saw the circus.

It was lovely Monday. The chickens were free-ranging, as is their right when the neighbor will be back home before dark (to lock them in before the raccoons come out). Midday, they're pecking away and one of the sex-linked walked under the deck into my view. As she neared the fence, I saw that she had a plastic bag wrapped around her leg. It was the really light weight type that you get produce in. Turns out, they're so light weight that a chicken can't even tell that she's dragging one. Until she spots it, that is.

All of a sudden, she puffed up and screamed - literally a chicken-scream - and started running like hell out from under the deck straight out to the pole barn. Half way out, she looked back again. Of course, she was stunned to see the damn thing was following her! And it had her leg and would let go! So she did the only reasonable thing and ran straight into the side of the shed.

The sudden stop of hitting the shed loosened her beak, probably, but not the bag. She started jumping up and down, shaking her leg for a few minutes until it finally fell off.

During the ordeal, the remaining chickens were going apeshit. They didn't try to help or anything, of course, unless they believe that cackling as loud as possible helps. Incidentally, this is the same way my mother-in-law tries to help with chores. Regardless, the neighbor's chickens stopped clucking as soon as the bag was thrown loose.

It was the best thing I've seen for weeks.